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I have been trying to figure out why I love Ikea.  My heart's desire is not to fill my home with college apartment furniture that I have to assemble myself and brightly colored plastic, and I can literally count on one hand the items I have purchased at Ikea:

1. Bright pink plastic vegetable peeler
2. Bright red apple corer/slicer
3. Desk for my office (OK, so I have purchased a piece furniture)
4. A plastic thingy that sticks to the back of my laundry room door for stuffing plastic shopping bags 
5. Fabric for the valance in my kitchen (they do have super cute fabric)

Part of my loving Ikea involves their princess cakes, which most certainly are laced with something illicit, because I find myself becoming preoccupied with thoughts of eating them while sitting in traffic or loading the dishwasher.  I know that they sell them by the box in the food market at Ikea, but I haven't caved in to purchasing them in that fashion; I am certain I would eat the entire box as soon as I got in the car to leave.  Don't ask me exactly what a princess cake is, I have no idea other than it is a green-iced piece of deliciousness.

We have a routine when we make our trips to Ikea, we arrive at 9:30, I have my free coffee (free before 10!) and a princess cake; my two older kids split a cinnamon roll, and my youngest inhales the .99 cent breakfast (comprised of an ice cream scoop of powdered eggs, something having the appearance of bacon, and a processed potato product).  At 10am I take my older two kids down to the childcare area (which they love), I refill my coffee cup, and then the littlest one and I wander Ikea aimlessly.  Now, I have no idea if you are supposed to wander around with your coffee, but no one has confiscated it from me yet (and I dare 'em!).

I definitely love the princess cakes and free hour of childcare, but I have realized more than anything I love the idea of Ikea.  Ikea promises that if you purchase configurations of their organizational products and furniture, life will suddenly become unrecognizably manageable and serene.  I find my self standing in the middle of the "120 square foot home" and thinking to myself "Wow, this is fantastic, all five of us could live here through the magic of Ikea plastic and particleboard!"  The way everything in Ikea is streamlined and so starkly contrasted to my life makes me feel (for one hour) like maybe there is a possibility of shoes always being neatly stored and kitchen drawers that no longer have tangles of spaghetti spoons and bright pink plastic vegetable peelers.  There are even arrows on the floor telling you which way you are supposed to walk.  I don't even have to think hard enough to decide which way I want to travel through the store, it has already been decided by the powers that be at Ikea. 

What it boils down to is that Ikea gives me an hour vacation from chaos and decision-making, a sugary fix, and fantasies of an existence free from disorganization.  And I thank Ikea for that. 

I recently visited Staunton, Virginia, and stopped by Pufferbellies , which is the coolest  toy store located in downtown.  It just so happened we stopped in on a Wednesday, which is when they host their free "Wednesday Crafternoons."  My kids got to do a fun little art project involving coffee filters and diluted acrylic paint.  I asked the lady helping them with their project where she came up with the idea, and she showed me the book "Art with Anything" by Mary Ann F. Kohl.

I bought the book, and the neat thing about it is that it has 52 weeks (5 days a week) of art projects using ordinary household items.  Each week focuses on a different household item, such as coffee grounds, plastic cups, CD cases, etc.  And, each project builds from the previous, so you don't have to start from scratch on each project.  Since I am a caffeine addict/coffeeholic, the first projects that caught my eye were the ones using anything coffee related!  I wanted to share this book with everyone because I thought it would be great for you homeschooling moms or stay at home moms with preschoolers. 

Today I discovered Kannapolis' best kept secret (I say best kept secret because my friends who live in Kannapolis didn't even know about this place).  Village Park is a park right across from the Research Campus and has a splash pad, a train, and a really nice playground.  The train costs one dollar per person and takes you all around the beautifully landscaped park, and the splash pad costs one dollar per child.  They give you an armband for the splash pad, so you can exit and reenter all day. 

The splash pad is not one that water just squirts from the ground, it has the buckets that fill up with water and dump out, among other contraptions for kids to use to douse themselves with water.  I packed a picnic lunch (FYI-you cannot take food into the splash pad, however they do have a concession stand) and we ate at one of the covered picnic tables near the playground.  This by far is one of the nicest, cleanest and prettiest parks we have visited.  Although my youngest remained firmly wrapped around my leg and screamed at me the entire time we were at the splash pad, my older two had an absolute blast.  Click here for more info about the park!

This past Saturday, I was a guest on The Debra Kennedy Show discussing my area of specialty, postpartum depression.  I had a lot of fun doing the show; you can click here to watch the podcast. I am the second person interviewed.

On a side note, all you moms out there will appreciate this...several hours before I taped this show we had just gotten home from a six hour  trip from Virginia (during the car ride two of my children became carsick and projectile vomited all over the car).  After my interview with Debra, I thought about how funny it was that earlier in the day I was giving two kids baby wipe baths on the side of Highway 250 in Augusta, Virginia.  Oh, the life of moms!

Since my Hubby is a teacher, he plays Mr. Mom every summer so that I can work my tail off.  It is a pretty good arrangement, however here are some factors that sometimes make me reconsider whether or not it is a good idea:

1. Daddy does not brush hair.  Ever.  My sister and husband met up with our kids at Chuck E. Cheese a couple of weeks ago, and she texted me "Your girls look homeless," along with a picture of of my oldest daughter that could have passed as picture of Bret Michaels circa 1987
2. He dresses my children completely crazy.  I am not even sure where he finds the clothes that he dresses them in because I swear I have never seen the majority of these garments
3. My house is in a state of disarray like never before...I find sippy cups in closets, toothbrushes under the couch, socks on the end tables, and teacups in the toilets daily
4. Daddy considers the pool or hot tub completely equivalent to a bath (you can imagine how well this compliments the aforementioned hair debacle)

The thing is that Dads parent completely different than moms.  And it is great.  Sure, he doesn't exactly have the same standards of hygiene, housekeeping and fashion, but he provides them with fun variety.  And, he thinks of brilliant things that I wouldn't have thought of.  For example, our two-year old absolutely loves drawing with the washable markers.  However, she is very talented at losing the caps to the markers, never to be found again.  He had the genius idea to save the caps to markers that have dried out so that when she looses the caps, we have extras and don't have to tear the house apart looking for the marker cap that has most certainly teleported to another dimension (FYI, after this "save the caps" proclamation, he said "You really need to blog this..." well, here you go, babe).  He has also completely converted our useless dining room into a very useful art room.

So, here is my point.  Don't freak out if your hubby doesn't do things like you do them.  I am certain that he will take care of the major things like bucking seatbelts, feeding, and dressing (that is a relative term) the kiddos.  Let him do things his way.  It is good for the kids, and he just may come up with some pretty cool ideas.

So, if you read my last blog post and are thinking "Wow, I really do want to have a Girls Night out...," let me give you a recommendation.  Girls Only: The Secret Comedy of Women is underway until August 1st at the Stage Door Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center in downtown (uptown?) Charlotte.  Three girlfriends and I had a blast this week going out to dinner, seeing the show, and then going out for more dinner after the show (we just weren't ready to go home!).  The best way to describe Girls Only  is that it is a sketch comedy show that tackles every issue women experience with hilarity...there was an entire skit all about what to do with your leftover feminine hygiene products after "the change."  I plan on making all of my girlfriends the Christmas angels they suggested.  I have received several emails about various specials they are running, for example combination dinner/show tickets, etc., so call the box office and see what kind of deal you can get.  Here is the description of Girls Only that is on Blumenthal's website:

GIRLS ONLY is an original comedy that celebrates the honor, truth,humor and silliness of being female. With a two-woman cast and audiencesfull of raucous, laughing ladies, the show is a unique examination ofall things girly.

Born out of the earnest and sweetly ridiculous writings the twoauthors discovered in their girlhood diaries, the GIRLS ONLY mix ofsketch comedy, improvisation, audience participation, and hilarioussongs and videos will remind you that underneath, women all have veryfunny and very charming feminine similarities.

Warning: This show contains feminine subjectmatter including teenage diaries, breast feeding, tampons, shadowpuppets, pantyhose, menstrual cycles, slumber parties, menopause andmaxi pads.

For me, it always seems like Girls Night is scheduled right at that point when I feel like Lois in that clip from “The Family Guy;” the one where she is lying catatonic on the bed while Stewie repeats “Mom, Mommy, Mom” over and over.You know when you hit that glazed-over, glassy-eyed state and you are desperately wishing that your children came with remotes and a mute button.  I was right at that level recently when our long-scheduled girls night appeared on the horizon, promising a night of no responsibilities, no kids, girl talk, and laughter.

For this particular Girls Night, two friends and I went all out and got a hotel room in Greenville, SC.We stayed at an Embassy Suites, took full advantage of the “Managers Reception,” ate dinner at the restaurant, and gorged ourselves on the complimentary breakfast the next morning. Let me tell you, the whole trip was food for my soul. It was so wonderful to rest,recharge, and laugh (and laugh, and laugh) with girlfriends. We all marveled the next morning at how unusual and delightful it was to wake up without anyone demanding anything and vowed to stay two nights next time.

While not everyone is able to do an overnight girls night (although I highly recommend it), I cannot stress the importance of hanging out with female friends (sans children) on a fairly regular basis. Not only do you get a chance to catch up, you also get the chance to talk and realize we are all in the same boat, you don’t feel so alone in this whole motherhood thing and all the chaos that comes with it. And honestly, a night with the girls does not have to be anything elaborate for it to be great; a couple of months ago a friend of mine hosted a mom’s night, and we brought snacks and games-the games got us all talking,and we spent most of the evening snacking and laughing hysterically.

You may have just moved to the area or for whatever reason you just have not found a group of girls or a girlfriend yet. Trying to make friends as an adult is a much different process than it was as children or even as a young adult,and being a mom somewhat complicates the process. If you are a SAHM, you no longer have coworkers to bond with, or maybe you have tried to befriend mothers of your children’s friends, only to find you have nothing in common. 

Here are some of my ideas f or finding groups of moms or other women:

If you have moved, try to“meet in the middle” with your friends you moved away from.  One of my best friends and I live several hours apart, but meet in the middle, in locations about an hour and a half from each other when we need “girl time.”

If you are reading this and are in desperate need of a Girls Night, take action! Chances are your friends are feeling the same way and would jump at the chance to connect-it is truly amazing how energizing spending just a few hours with other women can be.

Here is a delicious treat and something that the kids can help out with:

S'mores Brownies

1 box of brownies (family size)
2 cups mini marshmallows
1 cup chocolate chips
5 graham crackers, broken into quarters

Prepare brownies as directed on the box, in a 13 x 9 pan.  Immediately after removing from oven, sprinkle with marshmallows and chocolate chips.  Place back in oven for 2 minutes, until the marshmallows and chocolate chips are beginning to melt.  Arrange the graham crackers on top.  Allow to cool, and enjoy!

Several months ago I was having a normal weekday morning when the phone rang. I see on the caller ID that it is a friend, so I pick it up: “Hey girl!” my friend says, “I'm up your way running errands and wanted to pop in and visit-I'll be there in about 20 minutes, OK?” Panic seized me as I glanced around my living room littered with legos, various doll accessories, and numerous plastic dishes from the perpetual tea party my three year old is constantly hosting, complemented by a light dusting of dog hair and crushed cheerio particles. “Uh, OK, sounds great, see you in 20 minutes or so!” I was excited about seeing my friend-she is one of my dearest, but she is THAT friend. You know, the one who is blessed with the talent and ability to keep her home spotlessly clean. I could literally show up at her house any time of night or day, be greeted by a faint hit of Pine Sol and consume a four-course meal on her kitchen floor with no risk of any wayward pieces of leaves, dirt, fur, goldfish crackers, or cheerios making their way onto my food.

Before I hit the “end” button on my phone, I was fumbling with the DVR remote trying to find an episode of that show with the annoying bald-headed four year old that somehow puts my children into a hypnotic trance. “Everyone on the couch and don't move until the show is over!” I screeched at my three children, aged four, three and one. I began manically throwing toys into bins, tossing jackets into the coat closet, stuffing unopened mail into a drawer, and haphazardly cramming dishes into the dishwasher. Grabbing the least gross-looking rag from the sink, I gave the kitchen counters a once-over and moved on to retrieve the vacuum from the closet so I could at least remove the dog hair and cheerio pieces from the more visible floor areas. “Back on the couch-STAY ON THE COUCH!” I hollered at my one year old who had hit her “being occupied by the TV” limit and had begun to wander into the kitchen, staring at me, transfixed by my madness and the cacophony of noise that accompanies manic housecleaning.

By this time sweat was beginning to bead on my upper lip and forehead-I was really getting an aerobic workout from my frantic cleaning (maybe this could be an idea for a workout video). Unwinding the cord from my vacuum, I suddenly realized that I was doing the exact opposite of what I counsel women to do. Here I was yelling at my children, plopping them in front of the TV and stressing myself completely out. For what? So I can appear to have a spotlessly clean home like she has? The thing is that she knows me very well; she knows that housekeeping is not one of my gifts-I don't have a gross home by any means-but it is generally cluttered and could almost always use a once-over with a vacuum. Does she really care that I don't keep my home as clean as hers? No, she doesn't. She knows she is gifted in that area, and though she has very high standards, she doesn't apply those standards to everyone. She does not expect me to live up to her level of cleanliness. Knowing this, why was I behaving this way? The simple fact is we all suffer from “mommy image” issues.

Just the same as we open a magazine to see a model or celebrity airbrushed beyond any human reality and somehow believe that someone naturally looks that way and that we should be capable of achieving the same, we believe this mythical mommy exists. We have in our minds this perfect mommy image-the mom who runs marathons, has a perfectly maintained home, her children are perfectly dressed, she never is out in public without makeup, would not be caught dead in jogging pants, scrapbooks every family event, is the room mom, prepares homemade organic meals every night, has perfect hair, volunteers for various charities, etc. Truthfully, this would only exist in someone who does not sleep. Or is famous and has a team of nannies, nutritionists, publicists, personal assistants and personal trainers on hand 24 hours a day. There is no way we can do it all and stay sane and well-rested. However, we believe this is attainable, try so hard to live up to this image, and beat ourselves up because we can’t live up to this impossible ideal. We exhaust ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and financially trying to appear to be the perfect mother.

The solution is for moms to embrace our own and each others’ varying realities and gifts of motherhood-just as we learn to love our bodies, jiggles, stretch marks, and all. We have to stop judging ourselves and each other based on this ridiculous ideal, and recognize that we are all uniquely talented and can offer diverse skills to our children and friends. Sure, I can't keep my house as clean as my friend, but that’s OK. She enjoys my company anyway. We support each other and are able to ask for help and offer guidance to each other in our weaker areas. Support and being real is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and our friends in this mommy sisterhood. Ask for help or advice when you need it-don't pretend to have it all together. That is absolutely draining. More than likely, any area you may be struggling in, a friend has probably struggled in that same area and can offer some advice or assistance. Consequently, if we see a fellow mom who seems to have hit a rough patch, offer her help and encouragement. Remove the pressure to live up to an impossible persona. We are all great moms in unique ways and we must recognize and celebrate those differences.

After coming to this realization that I had to practice what I preach, I put away the vacuum and let the children wander and the fur and cheerio particles remain. I have, however, recently invested in a Roomba, which I am convinced is a gift from God to all mothers who struggle, as I do, in the housekeeping arena.

Growing up my mom always told my sister and I that she was praying for our spouses.  I can remember being a kid and not really understanding how she could pray for someone we had not met.  She would explain to me that she was praying for the right type of person; someone who was Godly and would treat us well, and she would pray for their safety and for them to make good choices in life.  Well, fast forward thirty (or so)years later, and my sister and I just both happen to be married to teachers who are the sons of ministers.  Funny, huh? 

Prayer is powerful and can impact the lives and futures of our children in immeasurable ways.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I have not done a lot of praying for the long-term futures of my children. I spend a lot of time in quick bursts of prayer throughout the day-"Dear God, please let there be some chicken nuggets in the freezer..." or " God, please don't let all three of my children have a meltdown in the middle of Target..." or "Dear Lord, thank you for helping me make it through today, please help me make it through tomorrow without wringing anyone's neck."  Kind of selfish, muddling-through types of prayers, nothing that would have significant long-term impact on my family.

I honestly was somewhat lost in what I should be praying for in regard to the futures of my children.  Sometimes I would purposefully sit down and try to pray for their spouses, careers, educations, etc., but did not have much of a direction.  Then, a friend of mine gave me this amazing list of things to pray for your children:

1. For godly wisdom

2. For character

3. For a spirit of excellence

4. For humility

5. For a desire to know God

6. For direction

7. For favor

8. For discernment

9. For the right friends/spouse

10. For respect toward authority

Click here for Mimi Greenwood Knight's detailed explanation of each of these.  I don't know about you, but this is what I was looking for; I wanted to know what to pray for so that my children will not only be successful and happy, but so that they may live truly fulfilled lives.